


If I

by leirabeans



Series: You Made My Dawn [3]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Romance, Angst and Tragedy, Doctor Kim Mingyu, Established Relationship, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Long-Term Relationship(s), M/M, Not A Happy Ending, Sad and Sweet, Sexual Content, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-10
Updated: 2019-11-10
Packaged: 2021-01-26 15:58:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21376732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leirabeans/pseuds/leirabeans
Summary: Wonwoo gulped nervously, “You’ll wait for me, right?”Mingyu didn’t have to ask him what he meant. Mingyu knew. Wonwoo knew. That’s the thing about their love for each other. It was like an invisible, inevitable force.Mingyu knew that the man sitting in front of him was his entire life. So Mingyu flashed a dazzling smile and answered with certainty, “Always.”
Relationships: Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan, Jeon Wonwoo/Kim Mingyu, Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi/Lee Jihoon | Woozi
Series: You Made My Dawn [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1254761
Comments: 3
Kudos: 44





	If I

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Truth Untold](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14748504) by [leirabeans](https://archiveofourown.org/users/leirabeans/pseuds/leirabeans). 

> Although it’s late, my eyes and mouth are still full of you.  
As the day passes, my regret becomes too deep and I’m drowning in it.  
If we could walk this path together again,  
I want to hold your hands and give you warmth.  
Will you smile again for me?  
If I, If I could…  
-If I, Al1 Track 3  
Listen to [You Made My Dawn playlist by leirabeans](https://soundcloud.com/leirabeans/playing-sad-seventeen-songs-in-the-radio-dont-listen-in-secret-habit-if-i-smile-flower).

When Mingyu got his acceptance letter to Seoul National University Medical School, he thought his heart would burst from happiness. He couldn’t believe that he went from getting 17/100 in a science exam to getting admitted to one of the top universities in South Korea. After pinching his inner thigh multiple times to ensure that it wasn’t a dream, the first thing he did was call Wonwoo. Despite being younger and a grade below his, the other had motivated Mingyu to study industriously (Mingyu may have been staying in the library to spend time with the younger and somehow ended up studying most of the time). He only deserved to be the first person to know. Wonwoo, who was still a high school junior back then, congratulated him earnestly with his breathtakingly beautiful smile and eyes crinkles that Mingyu adored.

“I’m so proud of you, hyung.” The younger was saying, his small brown eyes sparkling with genuine mirth and pride.

Mingyu fought his blush and found himself quickly losing the fight, “It’s all because of you, you nerd!”

Wonwoo frowned, “It was all because of your hard work; what do you mean it was because of me?”

Mingyu huffed. Wonwoo’s penchant for books, studying, and animals has led Mingyu being able to answer the comprehensively answer one of his interview questions (What is the most recent book you have read and how do you think does it reflect today’s society?) that many found difficult. Additionally, he volunteered in the dog and cat adoption center with Wonwoo and ended up getting a basic life support certificate, working closely with children, and most importantly, getting to enjoy Wonwoo’s constant excitement about being surrounded by cats.

Suffice to say, it was experiences that he pursued in order to be with Wonwoo that made him an interesting person. He was then able to write his personal statement and to impress his interviewers.

“It doesn’t matter, my humble master. I’m treating you to dinner and you don’t have the option to say no.” Mingyu commented, eyes hard as he stared down the younger. Wonwoo, with his long uncoordinated limbs, scratched the back of his head innocently and flashed a subtle smile.

“No one ever says no to free food.” He shrugged.

“See! You’re beginning to think like a college student already!” Mingyu clapped his hands, beaming. He grabbed the younger’s wrist like he usually did and towed him away to a nearby samgyupsal restaurant.

“So, how excited are you really?” Wonwoo asked, eyes sharp with interest. Mingyu couldn’t help but smile. He loved how Wonwoo was always invested in everything around him. His curiosity was not only an attractive shade but also an infectious agent.

Wonwoo’s hand reached the tongs to flip the grilled meat but Mingyu promptly swatted his hand away. He had learned that Wonwoo was not to be trusted with most things, including fire and food. “I don’t know… everything? It’ll be a new place. Anyang is nice but it’s not Seoul. And well, it’s college. College is supposed to be the best part of our lives!” Mingyu knew he was brimming with energy and was excessively flailing his arms around but did not care enough.

Wonwoo, on the other hand, had suddenly slouched in his seat and had lowered his gaze. “Yeah, that’s true. You’ll be in college. You’ll be in Seoul.” He mumbled.

Mingyu had known Wonwoo long enough to recognize that the younger was dejected about what he had just said. “I mean, it won’t be that far! I’ll come visit every weekend.” He quickly added, trying to salvage the situation.

Wonwoo grinned weakly, “I can drive to Seoul too when you’re free.”

“Exactly!” Mingyu exclaimed. “Besides, I’m sure we’ll be together next year too. You’re aiming for SNU, right?”

Wonwoo nodded eagerly. He beamed, “Of course! Their philosophy and literature department is one of the best. Besides-” A pause.

Mingyu, who was placing more side dishes on Wonwoo’s plate, looked up to find the other man looking bashful. “Yeah?” He frowned.

Wonwoo gulped nervously, “You’ll be there.” He whispered. Then his almond-shaped eyes met Mingyu’s as he added solemnly, “You’ll wait for me, right?”

Mingyu didn’t have to ask him what he meant. Mingyu knew. Wonwoo knew. That’s the thing about their love for each other. It was like an invisible, inevitable force. They didn’t know when it started. They didn’t know when interest turned to friendship. They didn’t know when that friendship blossomed to love. They didn’t know when their love became an inconvenience. They didn’t know when their love withered. Like seasons changing throughout the year, their love could not win against time.

But at that moment, all Mingyu knew was that the man sitting in front of him was his entire life. So Mingyu flashed a dazzling smile and answered with certainty, “Always.”

_A year passed; seasons changed._ Wonwoo kept his promise. He had the highest score in the college entrance exams in the entire nation. He joined Seoul National University (without his afro, _thankfully_) to study literature. Mingyu kept his promise too. He waited for Wonwoo to enter the same university and rejected every guy and girl who pursued him. That should have been were the story ended. That page should have been the part with the phrase “_and they lived happily ever after_”.

But this is no fairytale. You know that, you’ve read the other two stories. You know that this is a tragedy.

When Wonwoo had called Mingyu to inform him of his admission, Mingyu immediately kicked out his roommate. He never liked the druggie anyways. So Mingyu, being Mingyu, left pictures of his roommate’s secret stash on the bed with the caption “Move out or I will report you to the police tonight.”

Wonwoo moved in the next day.

“Are you sure this is alright?” Wonwoo asked, voice deeper, face leaner and legs longer. The two had not seen each other since winter break (five busy months!), because Wonwoo had been preparing for his entrance exams and Mingyu had picked up a tutoring job.

Mingyu tried to suppress the wide smile on his face but failed to do so, “He said something about his family suddenly needing him to be home. And the landlady needed the cash, so she didn’t care enough.”

Wonwoo frowned, and Mingyu knew that he could detect the lie in Mingyu’s reasoning. Before he can ask further questions, Mingyu continued, “So, my friends want to meet you.”

Shock colored Wonwoo’s face. The taller man blinked rapidly, “Um why?”

“Because they want to meet the man with the highest aptitude score this year!” Mingyu gleamed.

“Really?” Wonwoo grinned.

Mingyu’s let the faux smile drop and dead-panned, “No, dumbass. They want to meet the guy who’s been dating the hottest guy in campus, who by the way is me.”

“Been dating?” Wonwoo choked on air. He spluttered each word and turned tomato red at the realization of what Mingyu had said.

Mingyu sighed happily. This was the Wonwoo that he knew, the Wonwoo that he loved: bashful and endearing, smart and clumsy, his and his only.

“Continue this and I will kick you out of this room too.” Mingyu muttered.

Wonwoo broke into a satisfied smile, his eyes crinkling as he whispered, “I knew it. You blackmailer.”

Mingyu threw a pillow at him.

_A year passed; seasons changed. _They lived together in the room, sleeping on each other’s bed with their clothes on. They had their first kiss, their first date, their first couple shirts. It was everything they thought it would be: natural, perfect, inevitable.

They hang out with Soonyoung, even though they went to different universities. After all, Soonyoung was Mingyu’s cousin and Wonwoo’s childhood friend. They met Soonyoung’s roommate, Jisoo, who instantly clicked with Wonwoo. The four decided to look for studios and apartment nearby each other.

Wonwoo was on the dean’s honor list. Mingyu was keeping up with his studies and had made a reputation for being one of the best tutors in the university. He was excited that he was entering his clinical years the next semester. Wonwoo, on the other hand, decided to minor on psychology starting next semester too. They were going to be even more busy, but it was fine. They had each other to lean on, to cheer for.

Wonwoo and Mingyu returned to Anyang for summer, fingers intertwined. Their parents didn’t even bat an eye and only asked them what side dishes they had left. They celebrated with their high school friends, who was glad that they finally decided to put a label on their relationship. They slept over at each other’s place; lips brushing, hearts racing, pants tightening. Under the moonlight, on Mingyu’s crampy bed and with the summer sweat, it was no romantic and ideal scene.

Yet there could have been no better moment. Mingyu realized that he wanted more. He wanted more of Wonwoo. He wanted all of Wonwoo.

“Wait, slow down.” Wonwoo murmured breathlessly. The two were on Mingyu’s bed, across the room where Mingyu’s parents were sleeping. Wonwoo’s face was flushed, long fingers buried in Mingyu’s hair. Mingyu’s plump lips were sore, his slightly trembling hand halfway underneath Wonwoo’s pants. Despite their ages and circumstances, they have never gone this far before.

Mingyu was too drunk on Wonwoo. He couldn’t hear the other’s words when his ears with ringing with excitement. “H-hyu-_hyung._” Wonwoo tried again, pressing a hand on Mingyu’s wide chest. The older halted, half-lidded eyes hazy as he tried to focus on Wonwoo’s face.

Wonwoo’s luscious lips were parted, chin protruding. Eyes wide and pupils blown, he gazed at Mingyu with a strange expression. Back then, Mingyu was yet to know what that look had meant. So instead, he purred, “What’s wrong, Won-ah?”

Wonwoo gulped. Mingyu knew how much the younger loved the nickname and the flushed look on Wonwoo’s face was the fuel to his burning desire. He held his breath and his dick stiffened as Wonwoo slowly formed words, “Are you sure?”

Mingyu’s heart swelled with love. Even with the tip of his cock leaking from lust, he could not marvel enough on how endearing Wonwoo was, _his _Wonwoo. But nicknames and domesticity can wait later. For now, what he needed was the feel of Wonwoo’s skin on his. The touch of Wonwoo’s lips all over his body. Mingyu bit his lower lip seductively and pressed his hand over Wonwoo’s crotch as he breathed, “I have never been so sure in my life.”

It turned out that Wonwoo was not as bashful in bed as he was in real life. His thick and deep voice drowned Mingyu’s sanity as the younger buried his fat cock inside Mingyu’s hole. Mingyu found himself half-kneeling on his bed, his bare back touching Wonwoo’s chest. The other was on top, his dick the instrument of Mingyu’s pleasure. Wonwoo’s left hand kneaded Mingyu’s ass while the other was firmly wrapped around Mingyu’s dick.

“Baby, please… _please_.” Mingyu moaned, unable to silence himself when Wonwoo’s head hit his prostate. Wonwoo, becoming aware that he had found Mingyu’s sweet spot, sped up and used his left hand to tug Mingyu’s balls. He softly bit Mingyu’s ear as the older slowly tightened around him.

Mingyu tightly pressed his lips together to suppress a cry as he found his release. Wonwoo soon followed and Mingyu lavished on Wonwoo’s warm spurts painting his walls. Once Wonwoo was able to breathe again, he rolled to the side and found Mingyu’s face.

Mingyu could never forget how bright Wonwoo was shining at that moment. Wonwoo ran his hand on Mingyu’s back and gazed into Mingyu tenderly as he professed, “I fucking love you.” The rawness and gravity of Wonwoo’s words brought tears to Mingyu’s eyes and before he could realize, he whispered, “I fucking love you too.” Wonwoo’s answering smile was blinding but Mingyu was not done.

“Now, wipe that cum off my back.”

Wonwoo laughed whole-heartedly, “It’s your own cum. Mine is inside you.”

“You fucking-”

Wonwoo’s lips silenced him.

_Summer left._

_The leaves began to fall._

_Snow had engulfed the city._

The two had moved in in a separate studio across Soonyoung and Jisoo’s two-bedroom apartment. It was closer to Yonsei University (where Soonyoung and Jisoo were studying) and the hospital where Mingyu would start his clinical duties. Although he was sorry that Wonwoo had to travel longer, the younger had insisted that it would be more convenient for Mingyu, especially now that he was working shifts in the hospital. Mingyu tried to make up for it by preparing dinner in their full kitchen. It became their Friday night tradition. Wonwoo would buy groceries on Thursday night and Mingyu would be cooking a meal for the next night. Soonyoung and Jisoo made fun of their domesticity but Wonwoo threatened to stop doing their groceries for them if they continued to bother them. They stopped.

Wonwoo and Mingyu also enjoyed the liberty of having their own place. They no longer needed to monitor the noise level of their nightly activities. Soonyoung and Jisoo seemed to mind but Mingyu threatened to cut off his food supply if they did not suck it up. They did.

It was the second week of December when Mingyu was changing out of his surgical scrubs to his casual wear. Wonwoo was craving Italian that night and Mingyu was planning to make carbonara. Dr. Cha Eunwoo, a surgical resident, popped his head in the changing room.

“Kim Mingyu?” He asked.

Mingyu closed his locker and answered, “Yes, sunbae?”

“Dr. Kim is looking for you.”

Surprised, Mingyu glanced at his wristwatch to find himself running late to his dinner with Wonwoo. Before he could answer, Eunwoo pressed, “There’s a cholecystectomy he wants you to scrub in.”

“Now? Me?” Mingyu asked.

The other groaned with annoyance, “Yes, he wants a medical student to scrub in a surgery right now. A chance like this would never come again, so get your head in the game.” He glared at Mingyu before continuing, “Dr. Kim Byungman’s in OR 4. Get your fucking scrubbed ass there.” He slammed the door behind him.

“Ye- yes, sunbaenim.” He muttered, hastily sending a text to Wonwoo as he changed back into his scrubs. Dr. Kim was infamous for his dislike of medical students but the fact that he willing to let Mingyu scrub in into one of his surgeries was, as Eunwoo pointed out, not an opportunity to be missed.

**Mingyu: Sorry, urgent surgery.**

**Wonwoo: Don’t worry, have fun. Take home an organ for me. Love you. **

It was the first time that Mingyu missed their Friday dinner. But Mingyu did not remember that day as such. For him, it was the day that he scrubbed in his first laparoscopic cholecystectomy.

When he got home later that evening, he found Wonwoo on his laptop on bed with the lights off. He plopped down beside him, completely drained of energy.

“How did it go?” Wonwoo asked softly, pushing the hair away Mingyu’s face affectionately.

“Fucking cholecystectomy took forever because it wasn’t his first abdominal surgery. He had so much adhesions that everywhere we touched, we had to cauterize some fucking artery.” He droned, eyes closed.

Wonwoo didn’t understand much of what Mingyu said. But he knew that the other was tired and continued instead, “Did you have dinner?”

“What dinner? I couldn’t even pee for four hours because I was scrubbed in.” Mingyu scoffed.

“How about… let’s grab breakfast tomorrow?” Wonwoo continued.

At this point, Mingyu was utterly fatigued and sleep was only a breath away if it wasn’t for Wonwoo persistent conversation. “I can’t. I have to tutor Chae-yeon.” Mingyu sighed. His brain was muddled with exhaustion and his limbs were sore after standing and holding the instruments for too long.

He felt the bed shift as Wonwoo placed an appreciative hand on his ass. “We can do lunch?”

“Soonyoung has that orphanage thing he wants us to come with.” Mingyu muttered, growing infuriated with Wonwoo’s incessant chatter and suggestive squeeze.

The younger had moved closer to Mingyu and whispered to his ear huskily, “Do we really have to go? We can just-”

Mingyu recoiled, turning his back to Wonwoo as he said begrudgingly, “I’m going to sleep. Let’s talk tomorrow.”

It was the first time he avoided Wonwoo’s touch.

It was the first time he refused to talk to Wonwoo.

It was the first time he missed their Friday dinner.

And it was not the last.

_Colorful lights were hung._

_Christmas carols were sang._

Mingyu became Dr. Kim’s favorite. The renowned surgeon took interest on him for his tall height but became invested after he saw Mingyu’s dedication. While the other junior medical students were standing behind the glass observation wall, Mingyu was sewing flesh together himself. While they were begging other surgeons to let them scrub in any surgery, Mingyu was running from one operating room to another. He walked with his head held high. But behind the scenes, he was utterly worn out. With Dr. Kim’s favoritism came high expectations, Mingyu would spend hours in the library to read journals and practice his suturing on dummies. He also had to tutor few students so that he and Wonwoo can keep the studio. Hence, he could not come home that winter break. He spent the days and nights in the hospital, working extra hours to gain more experience. He loved working with his hands. He liked the prestige coming with being the most experienced junior medical student. He enjoyed informing the family that the surgery was a success, and seeing the relief and happiness in their faces. Mingyu felt like he finally found his true calling. He wanted to become a surgeon.

It was the first time he did not spend Christmas with Wonwoo after they had met. But Mingyu did not remember that day as such. For him, it was the day that he performed his first appendectomy.

After the operation, Mingyu was brimming with pride and joy. It was the first operation he had done skin-to-skin. He, a mere junior medical student, completed an entire operation by himself under Dr. Kim’s guidance when even the interns had not done so. Although it was only an appendectomy, he had spent a week preparing for it and it came successfully. Immediately, he wanted to tell Wonwoo. He wanted Wonwoo to be the first to know. He took out his phone and dialed eagerly.

Wonwoo picked up on the second ring. “Won-ah! You will not believe what just happened. I was the main surgeon for an appendectomy. I made every suture, every cut myself!” The door opened and Mingyu saw Eunwoo enter the room purposely.

“Mingyu.” Eunwoo said. Mingyu nodded immediately and gushed on the phone, “I’ll call you later, okay?” and hung up.

Mingyu placed the phone inside his locker room and faced Eunwoo, who was smiling softly. “Congratulations on your first surgery! The residents are going out for a drink; you should come with us.”

Mingyu, still elated and proud, agreed with a stunning smile.

Wonwoo looked down on his phone, heart wrenching. It would be the first Christmas the two had spent apart but Wonwoo was determined not to let such a thing happen. Thus, he left Anyang early morning to drive safely to Seoul. Though Mingyu might be too busy to spend the day with him, they could at least share a meal. Right? Yet he did not even have the chance to tell Mingyu that he was almost at the hospital’s as Mingyu happily went on during their phone call. He sighed painfully. Lately, he had not seen much of Mingyu. The older had been very occupied with his clinical duties and studies. While Wonwoo was happy to find Mingyu passionate about his work, he often felt like there was a distance blossoming between them. Mingyu may be sharing his bed but he was too busy and too tired for a simple talk, a simple date, a simple make-out. Sometimes, he felt like a robot has replaced Mingyu. A robot that came home to sleep and shower, only to leave for the library and hospital. A robot that spoke in a different language, medical jargon that Wonwoo could not decipher. A robot that was made of cold metal, not his warm Mingyu.

When Wonwoo reached the hospital, he tried to call Mingyu to no avail. As he exited his car, his heart fell at what he witnessed. It was Mingyu, laughing animatedly with another tall and handsome man in a white coat. Mingyu appeared happy as he talked and flailed his arms around. Mingyu’s eyes sparkled at something the other guy said.

Mingyu … looked like _Mingyu_.

The one Wonwoo loves.

The one Wonwoo misses.

When Mingyu came home that night, Wonwoo was on his laptop. He looked up from what he was doing when he heard the key turning. As the door opened, he saw a drunk Mingyu flung around the same guy he saw earlier. Wonwoo’s stomach churned and his fist balled up with jealousy.

“Oh, hi.” The guy addressed him casually. Wonwoo recognized that voice; it was the same voice who called out Mingyu’s name affectionately earlier. Wonwoo stood up and marched towards the guy, anger boiling inside him when the man continued, “I’m Mingyu’s supervisor. I’m just dropping him off.”

“Supervisor?” Wonwoo scoffed. He had never been territorial or possessive of Mingyu. He didn’t have to be. While his boyfriend may be the most handsome man in the world, he only had his eyes on Wonwoo. Yet at that moment, Wonwoo wasn’t so sure. He was about to insult the other doctor when Mingyu gained some consciousness and his unfocused eyes fell on Wonwoo.

“Won-ah!” He called out, face lit up with such happiness that time stood still for Wonwoo. Wonwoo stopped in his tracks, taken aback and falling in love all over again. Mingyu untangled his arm from his ‘supervisor’ and ran to Wonwoo. He threw his arms around Wonwoo, buried his face into the crook of his neck and moaned indignantly. Wonwoo felt himself harden immediately.

The other guy cleared his throat and awkwardly looked down, “Well um, goodnight.” He muttered before closing the door. Before Wonwoo could react, Mingyu jumped on him and wrapped his legs around the younger’s torso. He looked up at Wonwoo with hazy but tender eyes and whimpered, “I love you. Fuck me, please?”

Wonwoo cackled at Mingyu, at _his _Mingyu. “I thought you’d never ask.” He muttered.

When Mingyu woke up the next morning, he had a headache and a beautifully sore ass. Turning slowly, he was welcome with the sight of a sinfully naked Wonwoo watching him with hooded eyes. It was that strange expression again that he couldn’t quite place.

“Good morning, sunshine.” Wonwoo greeted, voice gruff and deep.

Having a mind of its own, Mingyu’s dick woke up to Wonwoo’s bed voice. Mingyu softly reached out to Wonwoo and placed his head on the younger’s hard chest, relishing on his touch.

“Did you fuck me last night?” He asked, lips tasting his boyfriend’s kiss that he had missed.

Wonwoo’s loose hand snaked up to Mingyu’s bare thigh, tracing circles with his warm fingertips. “Maybe…” he teased.

Mingyu shuddered at his touch, “I can’t seem to remember.”

At once, Wonwoo flipped him over and towered over him. “Shall I do it again? Perhaps that will refresh your memory?” He whispered, strong hands holding Mingyu down with authority and desire.

Mingyu couldn’t help but whimper helplessly in response.

_Cold winds blew over. _

_Spring breeze hovered._

Mingyu’s schedule did not get better. In fact, his workload had gotten worse. After he proved his competence under Dr. Kim’s supervision, the other surgeons started taking notice of him. Dr. Kim had also encouraged him to pursue a research project with Eunwoo to strengthen his surgery residency application. Mingyu knew that it was the right decision to make so he agreed and dropped some his tutees. Wonwoo started working as a TA this semester and they would still be able to afford their private studio. Dr. Kim had a research office in the administration building, where Mingyu worked on their project. Having taken up this job and with Wonwoo’s work, the two had seen each other considerably less.

At first, it was weird. It had felt odd not knowing what Wonwoo was up to, not seeing Wonwoo for a couple of days, and not hearing Wonwoo’s snore in his sleep. It wasn’t ideal but they made it work. Often, Mingyu had many more pressing things to worry about than to miss Wonwoo. It was Soonyoung’s belated birthday dinner when Mingyu realized how much of Wonwoo’s and his friend’s lives he had missed.

It started when an attractive, well-built man with crimson red hair and tattoos entered the room. Mingyu learned that he was Soonyoung’s friend named Seungcheol. He was mostly quiet and continued to drink the hard liquor that Soonyoung was pushing to him. Jisoo was talking about a band performance he was holding next week. Mingyu couldn’t hide his surprise to find out that Jisoo was a guitarist in a band now. He was even more flabbergasted when Wonwoo said, “I can’t make it. I’m going to be with Jieqiong at Gwangju.”

Seungcheol finally spoke, “Jieqiong? Isn’t she the hot Chinese girl?”

“What’s going in Gwangju?” Jisoo asked.

Soonyoung downed another shot of vodka, “He has that 3 days english conference, he told us like last month.”

“What!” Seungcheol exclaimed, “You’re going to be in Gwangju for 2 nights with the hottest girl in campus? That’s not fucking fair!”

Mingyu watched the entire exchange with his jaw slacked. Wonwoo had never mentioned any conference or any hot Chinese girl at all. He felt like an outsider around his own circle of friends.

Jisoo laughed, “If only Wonwoo swung that way.”

Seungcheol frowned, “Wait, what do you mean?” he murmured with confusion.

“Wonwoo’s with Mingyu.” Soonyoung dead-panned.

Seungcheol’s deer eyes widened and for the first time, Mingyu could see how young the man was behind the tattoos. “Like, like… you mean you’re both gay?” He stuttered, shocked.

Wonwoo chortled, “Three people in this room are gay, Seungcheol-ah.”

Seungcheol’s doe eyes grew even wider.

“I’m not sure if I’m gay for now. Don’t cross me out yet!” Jisoo bellowed.

Seungcheol blinked continuously, “Wait, so you two have been dating since when?” He prodded.

“They’re not just dating. They’re an old married couple.” Soonyoung answered, stuffing his face with dried squid.

Mingyu chuckled nervously.

_They’re like an old married couple._

_An old married couple._

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Mingyu asked gravely as soon as they returned to their studio. Wonwoo turned abruptly, surprised at Mingyu’s sudden change of attitude.

Wonwoo shrugged, “You’re on-call that weekend, so it wouldn’t have mattered anyway.”

Mingyu could not help but sneer, “So you weren’t planning to tell me that you were going to 2-night trip somewhere?”

Wonwoo placed his fingers at the bridge of his nose patiently, “It doesn’t make a difference whether I have told you or not.”

“The fuck it does!” Mingyu hadn’t mean to raise his voice. But he had just spent eleven hours in the hospital and sat at Soonyoung’s stupid drinking party for another three hours, despite having four hours of sleep last night.

Wonwoo’s jaw locked as he replied calmly, “Are you mad because I’m going with some girl?”

“No! Who the fuck cares about the girl?” Mingyu huffed, “The fact is you were going to go somewhere without telling me or involving me in making that decision.”

Wonwoo’s response was a cold, hollow laugh. It ignited Mingyu’s frustration even more.

“As if you ever involved me in your decisions these days.” Wonwoo muttered.

“What did you say?” Mingyu demanded, appalled at Wonwoo’s audacity. He was the one who was at fault here. How dare he bring something up irrelevant?

Wonwoo’s eyes met Mingyu, his gaze was stern as he repeated, “I said, as if you ever involved me in your decisions these days.”

Mingyu’s jaw dropped, “You never said anything about it, so why are you suddenly bringing this up now?”

“If I said anything, would you even listen to me?” Wonwoo countered, volume slightly higher than before.

Mingyu was terribly offended, “What the fuck does that even mean?”

“It means-”

Mingyu’s phone suddenly rang.

“Don’t you dare answer it.” Wonwoo threatened, voice as cold as ice.

Mingyu couldn’t help but see the caller: Dr. Kim Byungman. He bit the insides of his mouth, “I need to answer this. It’s Dr. Kim.” He slid the screen to pick up the call and momentarily looked up to see the pure disappointment on Wonwoo’s face.

Dr. Kim was awarded the best surgeon in the area. Along with his recognition came an influx of patients and surgeries. Mingyu had not seen Wonwoo ever since their fight and before he knew it, the other had left for his conference. He hated that he and Wonwoo fought. He hated the look on Wonwoo’s face the last time they spoke. He hated how empty his bed felt like at night. Yet in between his classes and surgeries, he did not have time to wallow in sadness. How could he when he had myriads of work waiting to be done?

When he went home that night, his eyes were burning and his head was pounding. He had been surviving on three to four hours of sleep the past week and it was undoubtedly taking a toll on his body. Yet when he opened the door, he saw a bottle of wine on the table and Wonwoo walking out of the bathroom in a robe. His wet hair dripping on his handsome face and deep eyes, Mingyu had never felt so relieved. Wonwoo was back. His Wonwoo came back.

At the sight of him, Wonwoo broke into a smile. His eyes crinkled and Mingyu’s heart raced. He didn’t know if it was piled up stress or sleep deprivation but upon seeing those familiar dimples, Mingyu burst into tears. Wonwoo instinctively rushed to envelop him in his warm arms.

“What’s wrong, baby?” Wonwoo asked, worried.

Mingyu merely shook his head, waves of uncontrollable sobs escaping him. Wonwoo held him tighter and whispered, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I promise I won’t hurt you like that again.”

Wonwoo’s apologies only made Mingyu cry harder. “No!” Mingyu exclaimed, “It’s-my-fault. I-sorry. I-love-you-so-much.” He managed to squeeze in between sobs.

Wonwoo’s breathing stopped and Mingyu looked up, only to see that strange expression once more. “I love you too, so much more.” Wonwoo breathed, every word a promise.

But Mingyu had other priorities, “No! I love you much more. Stop competing with me.” He cried.

Wonwoo chuckled softly, “Fine. I’ll let you win.”

The sex was also a winner that night.

_Another year passed_ _; seasons changed._

But everything remained the same.

Wonwoo and Soonyoung graduated college. Mingyu made it to their graduation but missed the graduation party because he had to go back to the hospital. Wonwoo wasn’t surprised. They had been even busier the past year, with Wonwoo’s senior year and Mingyu’s full clinical schedule. They didn’t fight as much. They didn’t have the time or energy to fight to begin with.

Wonwoo continued his masters at SNU, while working part-time at a publishing firm. Mingyu was finally in the last year of his medical school. They decided to move in with Jisoo, after Soonyoung moved in with his boyfriend, Jihoon. It wasn’t as bad as they thought. Jisoo kept Wonwoo company while Mingyu was away, which was almost all the time.

But it’s okay. Wonwoo was okay. Wonwoo understood.

Mingyu had an extremely horrible week. Dr. Kim was out of the country for an emergency so he had to work with Dr. Han Seungsoo. He made Mingyu work twice as harder, criticizing him with his every single move, and took credit of Mingyu’s surgeries. When he arrived home that night, their room was a mess. It wasn’t something new. Wonwoo had a cluttered mind and thus, a cluttered room. Mingyu usually organized the room without complaint but tonight was different. Tonight, it was the fuse that ignited the fire.

“What the fuck, Won?” He demanded, seeing the dirty clothes on the floor while Wonwoo was eating chips on their bed. He had told Wonwoo not to each on the bed because the crumbs will attract bugs.

Wonwoo, who was on his laptop, looked up with surprise, “What’s wrong?”

“I fucking told you to put your dirty clothes in the hamper. There’s so much hair on the floor! You could’ve vacuum-ed it. How many times do I need to tell you to stop eating on the fucking bed?” He wailed.

Wonwoo blinked, “It’s not that serious, Minnie. I’ll clean it up later.”

Mingyu huffed, “Not that serious? Do you have any idea how much I clean up after you? All. The. Fucking. Time! You’re not a kid. Why can’t you do it yourself?”

“Okay. There is no need to use such derogatory language.” Wonwoo claimed, deep voice calm but breaching annoyance.

Yet to Mingyu’s deaf ears, it sounded like an excuse.

“Well, maybe I should use simpler languages. Maybe if I say shit like ‘no food bed’, you would finally understand.” Mingyu yelled. It was similar to what Dr. Han had been telling me the past week, _maybe if I say shit like ‘sew this to that’, you would finally understand_.

Wonwoo’s face hardened but he remained silent.

“What? Why aren’t you saying anything?” Mingyu grumbled.

Wonwoo emptied the bag of chips he had been emptying to the bed and stood with a stoic face. Mingyu could only gawk in surprise.

“You’re stressed. You’re sleepless. I get it. But you’re not the only one who’s working here, Mingyu. I’m your boyfriend. Not your fucking punching bag.” Wonwoo stated, sharply.

Mingyu gripped, “What the fuck did you just say?”

“I said-”

Wonwoo’s phone suddenly rang.

“Don’t you dare answer it.” Mingyu screeched, throwing his bag to the floor. Wonwoo checked the caller ID and said indifferently, “I have to go. Let’s talk tomorrow.”

He walked out the door. Mingyu screamed with infuriation before falling on his knees with a frustrated sob.

His ringing phone woke Mingyu up from his slumber in the couch. Half-asleep, he answered the phone with a weak “Hello?”

“_H-hyung?_”

“What do you want, Jisoo? It’s like 4 AM. Can’t this wait tomorrow?” He groaned.

“_Hyung…_” This time, Jisoo’s voice shook. “_It’s Wonwoo_.” it was barely a whisper.

“He’s not here.”

“_I- I know._”

“Then why are you calling?”

_“Wonwoo, Soonyoung, and Jeonghan… they were in a car accident.”_

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry. I hope this answers some of your questions.  
\- Also, their ages are as follows: Mingyu (oldest) > Wonwoo + Soonyoung + Jisoo > Jeonghan and Jihoon > Seungcheol (youngest)
> 
> Thank you for sticking with this fic! Also, guess who's going to the SVT AN ODE in Newark next year, MEEE. shout at me me on @cheollei or @leirabeans on twitter.
> 
> UPDATE: I have written the final chapter but I'm too scared to publish it hmmm


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